my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
