she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
