So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
