I feel great
I just peed on a car
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
