my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
