Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
