why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
