Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
