You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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