I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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