I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
