I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
