i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you would pick up someone in the library
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
