he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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