Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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