I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
