oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
