party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
