We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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