She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
