i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
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ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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