Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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