Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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