so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
