Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
