hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
