Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
so much tequila, so little girl.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
