You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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