you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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