I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
