I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
