there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
