she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
