We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
