the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
someone owes me an orgasm
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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