We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize