oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
