the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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