Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
