Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
