i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
