Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hippo gnu deer
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
