I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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