What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
