I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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