i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Randomize
