Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
