Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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