his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
