I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
