We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I need a beard to bite.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
