wrigley field is MILF paradise
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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