sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
