Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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