I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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