do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
