im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize