You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
