I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
