he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
