I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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