he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
