ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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