well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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