Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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