So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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