Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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