what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
