i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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