so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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