Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
