hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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