As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
