You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
