the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
