I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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