Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
