its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
