Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
