she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
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I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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