So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
