fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
