I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
